Life Motherhood

A Lady in Waiting

In case you’re keeping track, I’m still pregnant. My due date was five days ago and this little girl isn’t showing any signs of budging. She’s basically got until Monday to get her bags packed and get out or they’re giving her an eviction notice on Tuesday. I have to admit that the thought of being induced scares me. All of the plans I’ve had for this birth are basically going out the window and I’m trying to remind myself that the end goal is to have a healthy baby and mom. But I am a little bummed that she’s not cooperating so far. And yes, I realize this will be the first time of many (many, many!) that life with a child won’t go as planned but it’s still a little bit disheartening.

I’ve officially been on maternity leave from work starting this week so I’m trying to slow down a little bit and savor these quiet moments. I’m trying to sleep and relax more, which is important as I prepare to launch into impending sleepless nights. I’m trying to walk every day (or at least keep moving) hoping maybe she’ll start her descent. I’ve nested to the point of ironing my infant’s clothing. (Yep, I’ve already reached that level of crazy.) And I’ve purchased and been gifted so many baby things that I can’t think of anything else she might possibly need.

A few weeks ago I had a feeling she was coming. My body just felt different and I even started to drift into a motherhood mindset. We finally figured out how to operate and install the carseat and I packed hospital bags. I went to bed fully expecting to go into labor… but woke up the next morning still pregnant. How frustrating!

Patience is not my virtue and sitting in labor limbo is driving me crazy. Every time I go to the bathroom, I beg for a sign that she’s coming. My doula checks in with me every day and I’ve resorted to sending her gifs of eyerolling. Whenever my family calls I answer the phone with, “Still pregnant!” I’ve tried just about every remedy to induce labor including spicy foods, walking, sex, chiropractic care, and herbal teas. So far other than some minor cramping, expected discomfort, and a few benign contractions, I’m still feeling pretty normal.

However, the upside to her taking her sweet ol’ time is that we’ve had the chance to double triple check that everything is in place at home. Adam and I enjoyed a nice fancy dinner to celebrate our second wedding anniversary on the 21st. We’ve spent a lot of quality time together like riding our bikes through a local state park, enjoying dinners at home, watching movies, and exploring St. Augustine (with a stop by a local waterside bar for a virgin piña colada).

So, I guess that officially makes me a lady in waiting. Maybe she’ll come out this weekend. Or maybe they’ll go in after her next week. The waiting game has been the hardest part of this entire pregnancy and as much as I’m not looking forward to the pain purpose* of childbirth, I am very much looking forward to finally holding our little girl.

*Doula Kahla says I’m not allowed to use the word “pain” to describe childbirth. It’s discomfort for a purpose… or something like that.

3 thoughts on “A Lady in Waiting”

  1. I think I told you that I was in “prodromal labor” (a.k.a. Baby purgatory hell) for four days before Lila arrived. It is so hard, frustrating, disappointing, and upsetting. I would just cry out of exhaustion and frustration. I know how you feel and I’m so sorry, it sucks when your best laid first-time-parent plans fly out the window, but you’re exactly right, it’s always on THEIR schedule. And they’re worth it. Hang in there girl. Thinking of you.

  2. Fingers crossed she comes out on her own accord soon but like you send, the end goal is a healthy baby! I didn’t create a “birth plan” for that specific reason – I didn’t want to get upset if I couldn’t have my way!

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